Defying Instinct (Demon Instinct Series) Read online

  The Warrior now knows my intentions, Grayson telepathed.

  “Why would Rowan know?” through gritted teeth, my words came out as a hiss.

  “Because I showed him.”

  My lips pulled back involuntarily, and I bared my teeth at the full-caste demon who a few days ago had been an impressive Royal advisor and a minor, yet admittedly entertaining nuisance. Now he was everything I detested.

  “Go tell him you tricked me,” I demanded.

  Grayson blinked several times, and his eyes flickered from granite to diamond to silver and back again. He looked sad even though his voice was without remorse.

  “But it would be a lie.”

  “What?” unable to contain my temper.

  “You want me,” Grayson laughed as if the idea of me not wanting him was ridiculous. “Of course you want me. Admit it.”

  My upper lip curled and I seared a path through the room with a half-lidded glare. You disgust me.

  “Savannah, don’t be—”

  “You don’t tell me what to do.” My words were oddly, surprisingly calm considering the depths of my yearning to tear Grayson apart. “That pattern…it infected me. You messed with my head, messed with my body.”

  Every inch of me shook. Part of me couldn’t find the words to convey how violated I felt. How out of line Grayson had been. How screwed up his actions were. How wrong his flippant disregard for my consent was.

  How scared I was that Rowan wouldn’t understand what happened.

  What if I hadn’t been able to pull myself from the dream state he’d kept me in? What if it had gone on, if we’d…

  My unforgiving, demon instinct roared.

  Incubus, my internal voice menacing and powerful as I used the mildly offensive term as a true insult. You no longer have the right to call me by my given name. From now on, you will show your allegiance. And keep your distance.

  Seconds ticked by as my demon half retreated, as I pushed away the strength-and-light place that once was smoke-and-fire and managed to resist destroying anything. When I felt confident I was under control again, I looked at Grayson, who hadn’t moved since my decree.

  His mouth made a small o, his Tempter features looking twisted in his…what was that, confusion? Shock? Panic? I didn’t care. I had one more command to make.

  “Explain it to him.” Now!

  Wincing, dipping his head as if my words had literally burned, the demon bowed low and said clearly, in the same reverent tone Cyrus always had, “Yes, Scion.”

  He left, his body still in a low bow, his eyes to the floor as he backed out the door.

  At first, I felt vindicated. He’d forced me against my will to submit to his touch. I doubted he would have had any qualms about taking it to the next level, removing my clothes, forcing me to enjoy…

  Grayson deserved to be treated as beneath me. He’d crossed the line. He didn’t even care that he did.

  I froze.

  A soft, incessant humming filled the room. It came from me.

  Realization hit, and I staggered until my hand caught something to hold onto.

  By making the Tempter show me his allegiance, I’d accepted my position as Scion.

  I ordered a full-caste Tempter demon to serve me, to obey my command. Somehow, for some reason, the order solidified what I had yet to accept. Because I’d made the decision in that moment to rule.

  Giving Rowan the order to unglamour hadn’t registered as a Royal act. Why hadn’t he awoken this humming in me? Because making Grayson treat me like the Scion was something I never wanted before that moment. It changed everything.

  It meant Grayson could no longer telepath with me.

  It meant he couldn’t look me in the eyes.

  It meant he couldn’t speak unless spoken to.

  It meant he was less than me.

  Because his Scion gave a command.

  I felt sick.

  I shouldn’t have done it. I hadn’t made this decision yet. And it was stupid to think demonkind didn’t know what I’d inadvertently acknowledged. They’d all be able to hear the soft hum I was hearing.

  And Grayson was connected to the Royal. Now she would know too. Hell, I wouldn’t put it past him, and her to have cultivated this situation so I had to accept being Scion.

  I couldn’t deal with this now. Push it back. Push it away.

  Mentally, I stuffed it in the darkest cage possible and slammed the door shut.

  Inhaling deeply, shaking off the remaining affects of Grayson’s tricks and my guilt, idiocy, and anger, all that was left from tonight’s mess was the hum of the Imperial Mark I involuntarily gave off, and a dull ache deep in my chest that belonged to a blonde Hammer demon.

  CHAPTER 22

  Stumbling on quiet feet down the stairs, I realized I was still wearing Rowan’s sage sweater, but it meant something more now than it had before. More than I knew it had before.

  I clutched the soft material in my fists as if, if he were gone, at least I had something of his to cling to. It was a pathetic thought. I hoped how I was feeling wasn’t a prelude to my lifetime to come.

  Was this what humans suffered all the time? Because, if so, I didn’t know how they could stand life, feeling and hurting and wanting and breaking like this.

  At the bottom of the stairs, I stood and watched as Grayson slammed The Bookstore door behind him without a look back. Then Rowan’s eyes were on me, and I forgot all about the Tempter.

  “I let it go too far,” he said, his expression detached. “I will not cross that line again.”

  But I wanted him to. He’d done nothing wrong. I liked him. I wanted everything he had to give. I knew it now. And I hadn’t made it up. I wasn’t hallucinating. My imagination wasn’t that good. He wanted me too.

  I had to assume his problem was with what happened with Grayson, so I said, “He tricked me.”

  “I don’t care.”

  Pursing my lips, “He did that flashy-eye thing. He took advantage—”

  “I don’t care,” he repeated, his tone quiet. I would have felt better if he yelled.

  “Yes, you do.” Just like I would care knowing you were kissing someone. Or someone violated you.

  Though flecks of white gold appeared in his eyes, he said flatly, “you think I’m someone I’m not.”

  “I know who you are.”

  “You know nothing, girl.”

  I can feel…you feel betrayed. “Why are you being like this?” Please. Look at me!

  “You impose feelings onto me I do not have.”

  You’re lying.

  “You have human delusions of white knights and happily ever afters.”

  I have feelings. For you. Only you. “Only ever you. And you know it.” Why can’t you admit it now?

  “Gray is right. He’s the superior male.”

  “You’re wrong.”

  “Grayson would be a good match.”

  Not for me.

  “I will return for my shift,” he said formally, and then broke my heart when he bowed low and said, “Scion.”

  No! You can’t…I won’t…I telepathed, but Rowan was already long gone.

  I cried, shameful of every tear.

  I couldn’t do this without him.

  I couldn’t bear an unknown future without someone being what Rowan had been for me. I trusted him, valued his opinion. He didn’t have ulterior motives like the others did. I needed him.

  Maybe he would be normal again when he returned. Maybe he would understand after stepping back, giving it time. Maybe he just needed to distance himself for a while.

  My desperate thoughts left me unconvinced.

  You should have been my first, I telepathed into the empty room, because it needed to be said even if there were no ears to hear it.

  I’m not sure how long I stood at the foot of the stairs crying, staring after Rowan jumped away. But in that time, something changed in me. Days ago, I wouldn’t have believed a person could change so fundamentally from one instan
t to the next. Maybe a lifetime of feeling nothing and not growing at all was catching up to me, and every experience was multiplied. Today, I knew heartache, rejection, and loss.

  It hardened some deep part of me.

  I knew I was naïve and inexperienced, but this was going to be the last time I felt this kind of burning desperation. No one had the right to make me feel this way.

  And just like that, I was moving again. My tears were gone. My conviction steady like never before. As the hum of the Imperial Mark coming from my skin filled the room, I drew confidence from it. I was strong, powerful. I was Scion, regardless of the reasons why, despite not knowing the full weight of what that meant.

  I wasn’t some ugly, half-caste nothing anymore. It was time I stopped acting like I was.

  Raising the shades over the front windows, across the street, in the same van they’d ‘napped me and Benn in a few days ago, sat Jake, the human Division agent with the Southern drawl. I’d seen the van a few times in the past few days, though it was the Razer in me that put it to memory, kept the idea of them watching in the back of my mind so I was prepared for whatever might come. Because that was her way now. Calculating. Strategic.

  I wondered how they’d driven the thing here with the roads caked with ice. Actually, the roads were probably cleared by now, at least cleared enough for main road travel. That wasn’t what was important. I’d made this decision. I was going to follow through with it.

  They had information that might come in handy. They wanted to align with me, use me for their political gain, or whatever Division would want out of joining forces with the new Scion. We might be of use to each other.

  Pulling out Jake’s business card, and punching the number into my cell phone, I watched out the front window as Jake answered my call.

  “I see you,” I said before he spoke.

  The human male laughed without humor. “I see you too, half-caste.”

  “Look,” I snapped. “It’s Savannah, Savvy, or Ms. Cole if you have to be formal. Call me half-caste in that tone again and I’ll make your brain melt out your ears.”

  There was silence on the other end, and I watched as the human squirmed. “Can you do that?”

  Grinning, I said, “You know, I don’t know. But I’ve had a bad night. Push me and you get to help me find out.”

  “All right,” Jake swallowed, “Savannah.”

  Without wasting any more time, I said, “I’m ready to hear your proposition now.”

  “Director Pakala would like you to visit her at Division, if you have the time.”

  I had the time. I had all the time. The Bookstore was closed. That was where my responsibilities here ended. It would be easy to disappear. Would anyone even attempt to look for me? Or would they be better off? As long as I told Benn where I was, I could probably vanish until further notice.

  “Can I trust your director? And you?”

  “Will anything I say convince your demon half you can trust anyone from Division?”

  I laughed. Of course not. And I’d never heard someone refer to the two parts of a half-caste like I always did. Before, she did feel like a separate creature. But my demon half was a part of me. She was me.

  “Indulge my human half then.”

  “I will return you here tomorrow night in the same condition you are in now.”

  Well worded. I wondered if Division had a How to Convince Demons guide or something.

  “Fine.”

  “Pack an overnight bag. I’ll wait here.”

  He wouldn’t come into The Bookstore, probably because of my sentries. It made me wonder if he knew Grayson was the demon who had roughed him up a few days ago.

  I knew I should have been wary of getting into a van with a human who kidnapped me and planned to hold my best friend as “motivation”. But I was sick of sitting around, waiting. This was something I could do, on my own.

  And I was Scion. They weren’t likely to want to kill me. Probably.

  I wasn’t safe, but I needed to make this decision for myself. I needed to start moving forward instead of standing still.

  Since I couldn’t stand wearing any of my clothes anyway, I packed very little. A toothbrush, my cell phone. The clothes on my back. That was pretty much all I needed.

  The reality of needing almost nothing cleared my head. My things were only things. I had myself. I’d text Benn from the road. I’d talk to Dad if he called.

  Grayson and Cyrus wouldn’t come after me. Not after what I did to the Tempter. And Rowan didn’t want to come after me. He didn’t want me.

  I’d get over my crush, with him gone.

  Pulling my shoulders back, I reminded myself what I felt for Rowan was new, was innocent and those sorts of things were fleeting. I tried convincing myself that what I felt for him was immature and silly. It would pass with time.

  I would be determined to forget him.

  In that moment, as I locked The Bookstore and walked cautiously across the ice patched sidewalk, I knew I needed this. Go to Division, possibly risk my life, and do it because I’d decided to do something for once.

  For me.

  CHAPTER 23

  Director Pakala was stationed at the Division location in Chicago. With Jake’s private, toy plane he had standing by—no waiting, no security, no little bag of peanuts either—we were airborne less than an hour after leaving The Bookstore.

  I’d never been on a plane before. The little toy that was my first experience probably wasn’t my best introduction. I had to picture flying with Connell to keep from freaking out, but at least I was preoccupied and no longer obsessed with feelings for a blonde Hammer demon.

  Jake Snow, Division agent and amateur tiny-plane pilot, wasn’t a talkative human. Getting a last name and a destination out of him was a chore. Though he unabashedly checked out my body, paying indecent attention to my braless chest, the human had little interest in making even polite conversation during our time together.

  The human also didn’t seem hurt in any way. When my former sentries attacked the van Jake and Holly kidnapped us in, I was sure they couldn’t have walked away without a scrape. But Jake appeared entirely unharmed. For some reason, I felt impressed.

  When my feet touched asphalt after we landed, my knees wobbled, but I hoped I hid it well.

  We pulled into the gated, impossibly long driveway only an hour later. When fully-fueled modes of transportation were awaiting our arrival everywhere we went, it made traveling extraordinarily quick and easy.

  It was the middle of the night. Maybe two o’clock. But I wasn’t tired. All of my synapses were firing, adrenaline and a sense of fierce independence making me ultra observant, not exactly tense, but extremely aware.

  Maybe I was stupid to have thought Division would be what I imagined it to be. Maybe I’d read too many books. But when I’d imagined an underground military bunker with armed humans wearing camouflage and abusing demons, I got a house with families, both human and demon. When I’d imagined sterile laboratories and locked doors housing sinister monsters and corrupt experiments, I got lush carpets and the lap of luxury. And so far, I hadn’t noticed one locked door.

  Holly waited for us in the dining room, the table filled with food. They were pulling out all the stops, and the beautiful blonde human with her hazel eyes fighting against slitting at the sight of me wasn’t enjoying it at all.

  I didn’t miss that she didn’t even glance in Jake’s direction. Not sure why, but her refusal to meet Jake’s eyes convinced me they were romantically involved.

  “You don’t have to be nice to me, Holly,” I told the female, and she made a fine-by-me face, and left the room.

  Jake, shaking his head—though his eyes darted after his partner—took up Holly’s spot and held his hands out in a dramatic shrug.

  “Holly sent me in to…” a young male said as he entered the room, twirling a pencil between his fingers. When he saw me, he stopped, and the pencil fell to the floor. “Then it’s true.”

&nbs
p; Half-caste, my demon side knew immediately, as if she could feel it radiating off him, like he could hear the hum radiating off me. I studied the boy, his freckles and curly hair the color of cinnamon making him look younger than he probably was. Keeping that in mind, I guessed his age to be around fourteen or fifteen.

  He smiled, a sweet, human smile, and I saw his fangs. Four, pointed canines a little too long to be a normal human’s. And a presence that hinted at danger, though I couldn’t figure out if it had anything to do with his appearance whatsoever. And a feline grace in his lithe, delicate movements.

  He was a half-caste Hammer demon. A thread of feeling twisted around my heart, but I was determined to ignore it.

  Any second now, I’d get over this crush. Any second now…

  “Savannah, this is Sam,” Jake announced, inching toward the door.

  “It’s nice to meet you,” the kid said, his initial shock completely gone. I liked him instantly. “I’m here to…er…entertain you, I guess.”

  “You’re, like, Division liaison?” I asked, only half kidding. I couldn’t help but think he should be asleep in bed, or at least doing homework, not showing me around a covert government facility.

  Sam laughed, and before Jake flitted out of the room through the same door Holly used, he tousled the half-caste’s curly hair. The casual act surprised me.

  “Holly…but Mrs. P probably made her…” Sam scratched his freckled nose, and leaned against the food-filled table, “said she wanted you to see what we do here. Guess they thought you’d be more comfortable with…someone like me.”

  Someone like us, I telepathed proudly to the male. The shock hit his face, then spread into a smile. He was a half-caste. No one had ever been able to telepath with him before.

  I was careful not to project the strong sense of worry I had for how Division treated him. Did they act like Sam was different? Did they spit half-caste at him whenever he walked by?

  But I’d seen Jake mess up the kid’s hair. It gave me hope.

  “What do you want to do first…er…Scion? Miss Cole? Uhh…your highness?”

  “Savvy,” I said firmly once I stopped giggling. Sam nodded, his hint of tension loosening right away.